Educating to help people stay safe & recover from sociopaths & psychopaths

How Could I Have Believed Him?

Posted 4 years ago by Admin. Posted in: Human Trafficking & Tagged as:

Even after all these years since “The Great Deception,” I am still learning how my heart, soul, brain, finances and life were hijacked by a monster, and yet I could not see him for what he was.  In the beginning, my very first therapist suggested that I learn about “anti-social personality disorder” to help me be more safe in the future.  She showed me a list of the characteristics.

For some reason I was shocked to know there were actually a “type” of people like that in the world.  I wondered about Adam.

I mean, Adam spoke constantly about the scriptures, about helping the poor and needy, about doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.  I truly believed that he owned nothing but his carpenter tools and that his life was patterned after Jesus Christ, the center of my life.  I could have never, not ever, fathom that a man so engaged in actively presenting a show of doing good, could actually, simultaneously, and completely – be cold-hearted and evil.  Or that his appearance of being normal and righteous was just an act.

gold-plates1The primary reason he was able to lead me like a lamb to the slaughter, was plain and simple:

I believed that his “Sealed Portion of the Book of Mormon” (aka “historical documents”) to be authentic. What the public does not realize is that in the minds of LDS (Mormons) whoever finds and translates the Sealed Portion of the Book of Mormon will be considered a prophet. This was not unique to me. MORE INFO ON THAT HERE. What the average person also doesn’t realize, and “Prophet or Predator” does not make clear, is the deeply-ingrained Mormon tenet that the prophet speaks for God, what the living prophet says take precedence over scripture, that God will not allow a prophet to lead you astray, or the belief that you must follow and obey the prophet – a prophet is authorized to get revelation for you and has your eternal life in his hands.

I am not the first person or the last person to fall for Adam’s forgery. In fact, to this day Adam has a following of unsuspecting people who believe the very same tale that gave him such power over me, and authorities do nothing about it.  It is for this reason I shared my story publicly.

A decade zipped by, I continued to blame myself, so I put the whole experience in the freezer and read a lot of brain books as I tried to rebuild an incredible life with my children.  Only recently, as in the past several months, have I come to realize what my first therapist was trying to tell me. What happened was more than just a malfunction on the part of my brain. In my opinion, Adam Nobody was a narcissistic cult leader skilled in psychological abuse, and a con-man who preyed on the beliefs of innocent, unsuspecting Mormon women to feed his sexual needs and finance his lifestyle. And he may have been worse.

Now I’m not saying that Adam is a sociopath or psychopath, and even if I believed it, it would only be my opinion.

But I will say that all women should study the traits of sociopaths/psychopaths just so they will never be as naive as I was.

Special Research Project of the Quantum Future School

“Imagine – if you can – not having a conscience, none at all, no feelings of guilt or remorse no matter what you do, no limiting sense of concern for the well-being of strangers, friends, or even family members. Imagine no struggles with shame, not a single one in your whole life, no matter what kind of selfish, lazy, harmful, or immoral action you had taken

And pretend that the concept of responsibility is unknown to you, except as a burden others seem to accept without question, like gullible fools.

Now add to this strange fantasy the ability to conceal from other people that your psychological makeup is radically different from theirs. Since everyone simply assumes that conscience is universal among human beings, hiding the fact that you are conscience-free is nearly effortless.

You are not held back from any of your desires by guilt or shame, and you are never confronted by others for your cold-bloodedness. The ice water in your veins is so bizarre, so completely outside of their personal experience, that they seldom even guess at your condition.

In other words, you are completely free of internal restraints, and your unhampered liberty to do just as you please, with no pangs of conscience, is conveniently invisible to the world.

You can do anything at all, and still your strange advantage over the majority of people, who are kept in line by their consciences will most likely remain undiscovered.”

 

Think about this:

  • The prevalence rate for anorexic eating disorders is estimated a 3.43 percent, deemed to be nearly epidemic.
  • The high-profile disorders classed as schizophrenia occur in only about 1 percent of [the population] – a mere quarter of the rate of antisocial personality.
  • The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention say that the rate of colon cancer in the United States, considered “alarmingly high,” is about 40 per 100,000 – 100 times lower than the rate of antisocial personality.

Nearly 4% of the population considered psychopaths, and as a society, we do not talk about this, we don’t filter people for this and we certainly do not prepare our daughters for this.

The kind, gentle, sweet, nurturing, forgiving Mormon and Christian women who have a Ph.D in prayer, unconditional love and seeing the best in people. People like me see a wolf in sheep’s clothing think it’s a real sheep who needs to come in from the cold and have some warm milk and cookies.

puppy-legs

It’s really hard to see red flags when you’re always wearing rose-colored glasses.

Thank goodness my therapist, Marji, lent me “The Gift of Fear,” by Gavin de Becker.  That book changed my life, I swear.  It taught me how to recognize red flags and think protectively. Finally, I had a formula, a check list, by which to rationally judge people instead of assuming they think like I do.

I shared these things with my daughter. Poor girl.  When other mothers were having their daughters read books like The American Girl and Harry Potter, my daughter was reading The American Girl and Harry Potter, along with The Gift of Fear, Combatting Cult Mind Control, and I even saw the DSM-IV Handbook on her nightstand, and that she got on her ownI felt sad for a minute. Guilty. What had I done to the innocence of my little girl who slept in the pink canopy princess bed? My experiences and discussions and PTSD and constant worries for her safety obviously shattered her fairytale worldview since our life on the farm.

But she’s always been wiser than I ever was.  Just like her brothers. And I’m glad.

Because there are psychopaths all around us, and unlike me, my kids can see one coming a mile away.

The high incidence of sociopathy in human society has a profound effect on the rest of us who must live on this planet, too, even those of us who have not been clinically traumatized. The individuals who constitute this 4 percent drain our relationships, our bank accounts, our accomplishments, our self-esteem, our very peace on earth.

Yet surprisingly, many people know nothing about this disorder.

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“Likeable,” “Charming,” “Intelligent,” “Alert,” “Impressive,” “Confidence-inspiring,” and “A great success with the ladies”: These are the sorts of descriptions repeatedly used by Cleckley in his famous case-studies of psychopaths.

Humans Without a Soul?

“He does bizarre and self-destructive things because consequences that would fill the ordinary man with shame, self-loathing, and embarrassment simply do not affect the psychopath at all. What to others would be a disaster is to him merely a fleeting inconvenience.

Some researchers have begun to seriously consider the idea that it is important to study psychopathy not as an artificial clinical category but as a general personality trait in the community at large.

In other words, psychopathy is being recognized as a more or less a different type of human.

One very interesting aspect of the psychopath is his “hidden life” that is sometimes not too well hidden. It seems that the psychopath has a regular need to take a ‘vacation into filth and degradation’ the same way normal people may take a vacation to a resort where they enjoy beautiful surroundings and culture.

To get a full feeling for this strange ‘need’ of the psychopath – a need that seems to be evidence that “acting human” is very stressful to the psychopath.

Also, read Cleckley’s speculations on what was ‘really wrong’ with these people. He comes very close to suggesting that they are human in every respect – but that they lack a soul.

This lack of “soul quality” makes them very efficient “machines.”

They can be brilliant, write scholarly works, imitate the words of emotion, but over time, it becomes clear that their words do not match their actions. They are the type of person who can claim that they are devastated by grief who then attend a party.

CHARISMATIC PSYCHOPATHS are charming, attractive liars. They are usually gifted at some talent or another, and they use it to their advantage in manipulating others.

They are usually fast-talkers, and possess an almost demonic ability to persuade others out of everything they own, even their lives.

Leaders of religious sects or cults, for example, might be psychopaths if they lead their followers to their deaths. This subtype often comes to believe in their own fictions. They are irresistible.

He is generally superficially charming and often makes a striking impression as possessed of the noblest of human qualities.

He makes friends easily, and is very manipulative, using his ability with words to talk his way out of trouble. Many psychopaths love to be admired and bask in the adulation of others.

The psychopath is a manipulator, who knows exactly what makes us tick and knows how to manipulate and influence our feelings.

They have the talent to spot ‘kind, caring’ women.

Mimicry is often used to convince others that the psychopath is a normal human being. He does this to create a false empathy with his victim. The psychopath will try to make you believe he has normal emotions by spinning some sad tale or professing profound, moving experiences; the truth is, most psychopaths go through life as in an incubator, touched by few and having no real compassion for others; but they will lie to convince you that they have normal emotions.”

They Present the Person They Think You Want

“Most psychopaths are very arrogant and cocky. However, when charming  a potential victim, they say all the “right” things and make you  believe they are kind-hearted souls; not always, but often enough.  The truth is, psychopaths are not altruistic and do not really care  about friendships or ties.  Some are also able to feign concern about the lower classes and profess that they are on the side of the underdog, the  poor, and so forth. A psychopath may claim, for instance (if he’s  from a low socio-economic class), that he dislikes rich people  intensely, but at the same time, he will inwardly yearn and envy what  they have.

Our world seems to have been invaded by individuals whose approach to life and love is so drastically different from what has been the established norm for a very long time that we are ill- prepared to deal with their tactics. As he demonstrates, this philosophy of the “plausible lie” has overtaken the legal and administrative domains of our world, turning them into machines in which human beings with real emotions are destroyed.”

In short, the psychopath is a predator.

“If we think about the interactions of predators with their prey in the animal kingdom, we can come to some idea of what is behind the “mask of sanity” of the psychopath. Just as an animal predator will adopt all kinds of stealthy functions in order to stalk their prey, cut them out of the herd, get close to them and reduce their resistance, so does the psychopath construct all kinds of elaborate camoflage composed of words and appearances – lies and manipulations – in order to “assimilate” their prey.”

What does the psychopath REALLY get from their victims?

“This leads us to an important question: what does the psychopath REALLY get from their victims? It’s easy to see what they are after when they lie and manipulate for money or material goods or power. But in many instances, such as love relationships or faked friendships, it is not so easy to see what the psychopath is after. Without wandering too far afield into spiritual speculations , we can only say that it seems to be that the psychopath ENJOYS making others suffer. Just as normal humans enjoy seeing other people happy, or doing things that make other people smile, the psychopath enjoys the exact opposite.”

The psychopath ENJOYS making others suffer

“Conscience seems to depend on the ability to imagine consequences. But the fact seems to be that they act based solely on a sort of Game Theory evaluation of a situation: what will they get out of it, and what will it cost? And these “costs” have nothing to do with being humiliated, causing pain, sabotaging the future, or any of the other possibilities that normal people consider when making a choice. In short, it is almost impossible for normal people to even imagine the inner life of the psychopath.”

Psychopaths are good imposters

“At the same time, psychopaths are good imposters. They have absolutely no hesitation about forging and brazenly using impressive credentials to adopt professional roles that bring prestige and power. They pick professions in which the requisite skills are easy to fake, the jargon is easy to learn, and the credentials are unlikely to be thoroughly checked. Psychopaths find it extremely easy to pose as financial consultants, ministers, psychological counselors and psychologists. And that’s a scary thought.

Psychopaths make their way by conning people into doing things for them; obtaining money for them, prestige, power, or even standing up for them when others try to expose them. But that is their claim to fame. That’s what they do. And they do it very well. What’s more, the job is very easy because most people are gullible with an unshakable belief in the inherent goodness of man.

Most people are gullible with an unshakable belief in the inherent goodness of man.

The victims keep asking: “How could I have been so stupid? How could I have fallen for that incredible line of baloney?” And, of course, if they don’t ask it of themselves, you can be sure that their friends and associates will ask “How on earth could you have been taken in to that extent?”

The usual answer: “You had to be there” simply does not convey the whole thing. Hare writes:

What makes psychopaths different from all others is the remarkable ease with which they lie, the pervasiveness of their deception, and the callousness with which they carry it out.

…And this is why they are so good at using Game Theory. And unless we learn the rules of how they think, they will continue to use it on us with devastating results. Normal people HURT when treated cruelly and insensitively. Psychopaths only feign being hurt because they perceive hurt as not getting what they wanted, and tried to get by manipulation!

And unless we learn the rules of how they think, they will continue to use it on us with devastating results.

In the book Violent Attachments, women and men have noted the particular stare of the psychopath – it is an intense, relentless gaze that seems to preclude his destruction of his victim or target. Women, in particular, have reported this stare, which is related to the ‘predatorial’ (reptilian) gaze; it is as if the psychopath is directing all of his intensity toward you through his eyes, a sensation that one woman reported as a feeling of ‘being eaten.’  ”

Psychopaths Are Slippery

“Psychopaths are notorious for not answering the questions asked them. They will answer something else, or in such a way that the direct question is never addressed.

But this raises, again, the question: how come smart people get taken in by them?”

Why do we fail to pick up the inconsistencies? How do we fall for their stories?

“Part of the answer is that the oddities are subtle so that our general listening mode will not normally pick them up. But my own experience is that some of the “skipped” or oddly arranged words, or misused words are automatically reinterpreted by OUR brains in the same way we automatically “fill in the blank” space on a neon sign when one of the letters has gone out. We can be driving down the road at night, and ahead we see M_tel, and we mentally put the “o” in place and read “Motel.” Something like this happens between the psychopath and the victim.

We fill in the “missing humanness” by filling in the blanks with our own assumptions

We fill in the “missing humanness” by filling in the blanks with our own assumptions, based on what WE think and feel and mean. And, in this way, because there are these “blank” spots, we fill them in with what is inside us, and thus we are easily convinced that the psychopath is a great guy – because he is just like us!

We have been conditioned to operate on trust, and we always try to give the “benefit of the doubt.” So, there are blanks, we “give the benefit of the doubt,” and we are thereby hoisted on our own petard.

Psychopaths view any social exchange as a “feeding opportunity,” a contest or a test of wills in which there can be only one winner.

And in many, many cases, the victim simply refuses to believe the evidence that they are being victimized. Psychological denial screens out knowledge that is painful, and persons with large investments in their fantasies are often unable to acknowledge that they are being deceived because it it too painful.

Psychopaths feed off preying on people

Psychopaths view any social exchange as a “feeding opportunity,” a contest or a test of wills in which there can be only one winner. Their motives are to manipulate and take, ruthlessly and without remorse. [Hare]

The callous use of the old, the lonely, the vulnerable, the disenfranchised, the marginalized, is a trademark of the psychopath. And when any of them wake up to what is happening, they are generally too embarrassed to complain.

One of the chief ways psychopaths prey on others is to make use of the normal person’s need to find meaning or purpose in life.

They will pose as grief counselors, or “experts” of various sorts that attract followings of people who are looking for answers. They are masters of recognizing “hang-ups” and self-doubts that most people have, and they will brazenly pander to them to gain a follower to use later.”

Psychopaths brag about deceiving and exploiting people. Victims are their trophies!

“Psychopaths, if they know that they won’t be penalized for what they express, are very happy to boast about their prowess in deceiving others. The man, assessed above by his prison psychiatrist as having made such remarkable improvement, was described by Hare’s staffer as “the most terrifying offender she had ever met and that he openly boasted about how he had conned the prison staff into thinking that he was well on the road to rehabilitation. “I can’t believe those guys,” he said.

Not only do they covet possessions and power, but they gain special pleasure in usurping and taking from others (a symbolic sibling, for example);”

What they can plagiarize, swindle, and extort are fruits far sweeter than those they can earn through honest labor.

“And once having drained what they can from one source, they turn to another to exploit, bleed, and then cast aside;

Their pleasure in the misfortune of others is unquenchable.

People are used as a means to an end; they are to be subordinated and demeaned so that the antisocial can vindicate themselves…”

 

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